Road Trip'n (aka:Virginia City, Nevada)

Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational things to say in my blog are hard. Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not. I was going to write a meaningful new blog, filled with deep, thoughtful sentiments, but screw that. I'm just gonna 'wing it'. 

My friend Noreen and I decided to take a road trip to see my friends Jack and Michele. Before I get to that - THANK YOU Marcia for caring for my "pack" while I was gone!

We hadn't seen one another for a very long time. We used to live a few miles apart when we lived in Sebastopol. In another life. Now they live in Virginia City Nevada, and I live in Northern California - 200 miles apart. Nobody warned me about the road from Reno to Virginia City. Now I know why. I bet the road to hell looks just like the Geiger Grade to Virginia City, Nevada! 

From the bottom to the summit: You don't see the 6000 foot drop-offs? Oh yeah, they are there. 

That road is the ultimate "just when you thought things couldn't get any worse" example.  If time travel were possible, my future self would have shown up to slap some sense into me before getting on that road!  I think I may have learned some new swear words. I think there needs to be a more effective way to type a primal scream! Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. I didn't know it was physically possible to operate a motor vehicle with my head up my own ass. If I would have had a keyboard in my truck I would have pulled over and hit the Escape key repeatedly! (Insert passively aggressive sigh here) People who drive that road are operating on the outskirts of insanity. Yes, that's you Jack! I used to think there's nothing to fear, but fear itself. Well, fear itself and Geiger Grade! Jack and Michele, I want you to imagine that I have a big smile on my face. Also, for the hell of it, picture me on a sofa.  I'll be sending you my therapy bill. I was traumatized, I tell you, traumatized. Someday Noreen and I will look back on all this and laugh - nervously. Not. Instead of going back 'down' this mountain we decided to leave Virginia City and go to Carson City, kind of the opposite direction and a roundabout way of getting home. Whatever, we were in no hurry. We see it as "defying death". 

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up back in California. I think there is a fine line between being the life of the party and being the reason the cops are called.  I'm pretty damn certain that Jack, Michele, Noreen and I had a great time in Virginia City.  As soon as I'm done reading this Sheriff's report from Storey County, I'll let you know. I did figure out how the Irish Jig got started. Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! You know that tightness in your muscles the day after a good workout? Turns out you can get the same feeling just by drinking for two days straight and walking up the Virginia City hills to get back to Jack and Michele's house. Jack and Michele ~ We've been through so much together (and most of it was your fault). Noreen and I's new philosophy is to admit nothing, deny everything and make several counter-accusations. We had a hella great time ~ Thank You for everything (well, with the exception of Geiger Grade). People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life. You are those "people". It's obvious that Skye-Pilot had a great time too! Also, thanks a lot for introducing me to your Finnish friend. I will be sending you something to give to her soon. 

I think Skye carried on more conversations with the locals than any of us.
"WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO"

While we were in downtown Virginia City there was a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled to death. 

Now that I am back home I have one question: Has anyone ever wondered if the dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack? If not, you're wondering now! 

My truth's for the week: (Life Lessons?)

1. I am no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure the only way to alleviate the guilt of eating a peanut butter cup is by eating 15 more.

2. I still wonder why hitchhikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by.

3. It's true,  if you can fold a fitted sheet, you're obviously a witch. 

4. If I was on Facebook, my “single” as a marital status, would mean “independently owned and operated and doing just fine thank-you”

5. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.

6. Bras are actual booby traps, no doubt about it.

7. If there was a wrong place and a wrong time, I was there.

8. I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in are not really in my best interest.

9. Sometimes you can wake up after a hard night of partying with friends, you step on the scale and you lost 3 pounds. There ya have it.  My dignity weighs 3 pounds.

10. I don't believe Funkytown exists. No matter how nice I have asked all the people that I know, nobody will take me to Funkytown. WTH?

11. Sleep is like sex, you never seem to get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.

12. To the kids of today: The real secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.

13. If one of your friends  says to you - “you look tired”, that is the politically correct way of saying “you look like shit”

14. The very first instruction to assemble any and all IKEA furniture should be open 1 beer, down several aspirin, then use a hammer to destroy the damn IKEA thing. Damn Swedes. 

15. And then my Finnish Wizards said, “It was unfair to have given man an extra limb - so to balance it out we will  give women the power over which to control it.”

My questions for the week:

1. Why do people show me pictures of their kids if they have a dog? Doesn't anybody know me?

2. Maybe if we all email the U.S. Constitution to each other the NSA will read it. It's worth a shot, right? 

3. Finland will sign an agreement with NATO, finally making it easier for NATO to put its troops on Finland's soil?  Putin's Russian aircraft have violated Finnish airspace at least four times this year. This is totally unacceptable. Putin's legacy will be one of isolation and economic suffering for the Russian population due to his imperialistic adventurism. Even if Putin is ever replaced, he will be replaced by yet another dictator. When was the last time Russians had any sort of freedom?  About 1000 years ago, at the time of Kievan Rus? Since then: Czars, Mongolian overlords, more Czars, Communist dictatorship and Poo-Poo Putin. The Russian people don't know of anything different.  There has always been a Psychopath in control of Russia. They can all go to hell as far as I am concerned! Commie Bastards.

Now we all know I always end my blog with a joke. So I will. 

Obama