Well, THAT meteor shower was a huge disappointment That was not a storm, or a shower; it was a complete DUD. We could count the number of shooting stars on one hand. Oh well, I don't ever need an excuse to sit under the stars so it was not a total loss. Good times can still be had when you get together and enjoy an evening with people you like to be with. It is not the destination but the journey - in times like that night because any good times with friends is worth it. The 6 of us still had fun sitting in the cold and staring at the sky in anticipation. The sky is miraculous -for sure. Enough of that - on to other things.
If my blog offends you:
1. I’m sorry.
2. It won’t happen again.
3. 1 & 2 are total lies.
4. You’re a wussy.
5. My goal is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity.
6. It’s only a matter of time before they add the word “syndrome” after my last name.
I am going to concentrate on what's important in life. I'm going to strive everyday to be a kind and generous and loving person. After that I am going to sprout wings and fly to the moon.
Remember I said I am not on Facebook, Instagram or those other social networks? Well, because of that I just want to let you all know I had sex in the backseat of my boyfriend's Chevy in the Fall of 1968. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now. So many feelings fit in just one sigh. *sigh*
My questions for the week:
What is with this new style of ear piercing? If you have gouged huge holes in your ears and do not keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point?
Any of you want to be friends with benefits? You know, like we’ll give each other rides to the airport and help each other landscape our yards but still be just friends? (Get your minds out of the gutter)
Camping 101: Did any of you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your ass smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Why do people ask me“What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Why do people dislike jury duty? I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun! If you tell the Judge that you will surely get out of jury duty.
No free lunch at a nice restaurant? No such thing as a free lunch? Bullcrap. Well, I'm in a posh restaurant right now, and I've got a spider in a matchbox that says otherwise.
Does anyone know of a way to "block" myself from this blog? I'm tired of reading the sh*t that I write.
My complaints for the week:
I just got a Booty Call from Life. Apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.
I think some people need to donate their blood, all of it.
Fluffed Marshmallow flavored Vodka, WTF? I'm a grown up, so can I get vodka flavored vodka? PLEASE?
I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night Scuba and Laurel dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Today is the day my brother died. I miss him. Alot.
My advice for the week:
If you’re told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.
Whenever you feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Don’t grab life by the horns, grab it by the balls!
Anything you say in a small town can and will be used against you
My advice for fun this week:
If you ever have to describe a person to a police sketch artist - make it fun. Would it not be funny to wait and see how long it would take that police sketch artist to realize you're describing him?
The next time you go to the beach with some of your couple (yet unmarried) friends- here's a thought.
Wait for them to walk the beach, they always do. Write “Marry me, Lisa (or whoever) ” in the sand and hide. And then just wait. Yeah, it's hilarious to watch reactions.
If you ever run across those business card bowls at a restaurant to win a free lunch, just drop a business card in that fishbowl but then take a handful of those cards in that fishbowl and call those people and tell them to come in for a free lunch. I know, it’s mean, but damn if it ain't funny. Yep, that is how I roll. With my eyes. That’s how I roll.
If you are in a public bathroom stall and someone knocks on the door, whisper, "let me see the drugs first." You'd be surprised how quiet it gets.
Putting icy hot on the door handles of the bathroom stalls makes for an interesting day.
Put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist.
My confessions for the week:
Never mind the pink rocket shoes I have always wanted. Now I really want a Unicorn! Unicorns are really just weaponized ponies. Who wouldn't want a weaponized pony?
I was just totally swept off my feet by this guy at the local bar. Well, not my feet exactly, but this bar stool. Ok, maybe not swept per se, but...Alright, fine! I fell off the bar stool while he was watching. Happy now?
This week I am going to dig up that time capsule I buried as a kid. Can't wait to see how much my brother's puppy grew!
My biggest fear is that I have already discovered time travel and I will bump into myself and spoil the surprise.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. This list of people I’m going to haunt grows every day.
If I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute at all. I think its damn strange how many people take knives on a date.
“Don’t let a hot date turn into a due date.”
my father’s actual sex talk with me when I was 16.
My word for the week:
OBAMA
As in: I bought a 12 pack of beer and drank it OBAMA self.
My 'realities of life thoughts' for the week:
I swear my two Shelties must be Russian. They invade my side of the bed and claim it as theirs.
Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to.
In my day my mom gave us kids pure uncooked gluten straight from the pan while dad shotgunned cigarette smoke up our noses with a straw. We survived. Wussy kids these days, I tell ya.
Dad, it appears your lifelong theory about the entire world going to hell in a handbasket was dead-on.
When I was little, I didn't care about what to wear. My mom dressed me.. Looking back at my old pictures, it seems she didn't care either.
Indian Giver- the name itself is offensive. I was married to a Native American so I find that word offensive and actually racist so I will not use it here although it certainly applies. But seriously WHO asks you to return the gift (a re-gifted gift no less) they have given you years earlier and then gets mad because you don't? When we give gifts, whether new or a pass-along, it really is the thought that counts. When we receive a gift, someone gave it to us. That effort deserves appreciation even if we think it might be a castoff; even if it isn’t something we want or even like. By no means ask for a gift back, especially a re-gifted gift. You are not in grade school any more. That is just damn rude and unacceptable to me. There is a fine line between “important to me” and “dead to me.” Don’t walk it. People`s bullshit and fakeness are the main reasons why I like to be alone most of the time. See, I’m not anti-social, I’m selectively social. There’s a huge difference. I am going to write this one down in my "Things I don't give a crap about" notebook and forget about it. I don't burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
I won't end this blog on my usual Obama bashing. I'm on a PUTIN bashing roll. Is Poo Poo Putin reasserting Russian dominance in the world? Does Putin ultimately want to reclaim Finland for Russia? Stop right there. Finland was a part of the Russian Empire for 108 years but broke away in 1917 at the end of WWI. Finland was attacked at the beginning of WWII by those rampaging horde of godless commie bastards with Finland fighting the Winter War and the Continuation War in resistance. Finland is not a member of NATO, so any invasion of its land would not constitute an attack against all members of NATO, but Finland IS a member of the European Union and any attack on Finland would be an attack to which a number of NATO countries are bound to defend their fellow member state. If Putin invaded Finland that would give the EU an excuse to retaliate. As for attacking Finland and the Baltic states.... that'd be WW3! Putin has what he wants - Crimea. Remember this is where the pipelines flow to the Black Sea and also provides a port for his surface war fleet. This is not entirely about Ukraine. It was and is about access to the Black Sea and the fear of losing it to the EU. Crimea gives Russia a navel base, access to the south Atlantic and Mid east sea lanes. That is the real story. Putin is a godless commie bastard. He is a threat to all mankind, not just the smaller countries on his commie bastard borders.
 |
| Yes, it is I. I am Poo-Poo Putin. I am a ruthless and godless commie bastard. |
Oh, I just cannot end without bashing Obama. Mr. President, why do you want the whole world to think of you as America's first black President? You are not. Your father (Barack Hussein Obama I) was a full blood Negro being born Nyang'oma Kogelo, Nyanza Province, Kenya and your mother (Stanley Ann Dunham) was a white Caucasian woman being born in Wichita, Kansas. You are Mulatto dude. Face it. Get over it. First black President my ass.
Ut-oh, I think I just went over my Bitch quota for the day. That's it for now, got things to do. Until next time. If you guys ever need anything always remember I’m just an unanswered phone call away.
