A good friend doesn’t just make you smile, they make you happy. The biggest mistake you can make is to drift apart from someone, who you once had the time of your life with. Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget. My long time friend Savana told me to get off my ass and do my blog. In all fairness to Savana she did not say 'ass'....I threw that in for emphasis (some days the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands). When it comes to swearing I have to do it for the two of us because she doesn't. She's my religious friend. I do not have many. She and I have a understanding. We respect each others beliefs. It is too bad all the other people in the world couldn't be more like the two of us. There would be no more religious wars. People could just get along. Yeah, I do have a friend that loves me even though I am a pantheist. In all the years we have known one another, (since our teen years) our beliefs, or differing beliefs, have never hindered our friendship, and never will. In the event one does not know what Pantheism is, perhaps the statement of "Nature is my God" sums it up best.....with the word God here meaning not some supernatural being, but an object of deepest personal reverence. I belong to the forest, in the forest. I find it difficult to imagine anything more worthy of my love and devotion than the beauty of nature and the absolute power of the Universe. My thoughts are along the line of Whitman, Thoreau, Einstein, Emerson and Frank Lloyd Wright. Speechless when viewing a meteor shower, speechless when seeing the beauty of nature. I know Savana views nature and the Universe with the same passion as myself, it's just that we have taken different paths in our 'viewing'.
And now - on to my blog. People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this. I have not done a blog for over a year. Busy. Writing a book.
"Dijon found himself spread upon a bed of lettuce atop a thin slice of turkey breast…enveloped by steamy buns…garnished with a sweet, sweet pickle"… Excerpt from my new book “50 SHADES OF GREY POUPON.” Whatcha think so far? In fact, I ran out of paper and had to make a trip to Target. Accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to Target and, long story short, (Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it) I think I have been promoted to assistant manager. Btw, to the woman with 4 unruly and screaming kids at Target - if you’re wondering how that box of condoms got into your cart… You’re welcome.
I saw a video of some polar bears drinking water yesterday on YouTube. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola… especially this time of the year! Which brings me to mind - I still have patches of frozen snow on the ground from the pre-Christmas storm. We had a very white Christmas. It fell. It froze. A lot of it. It's the first time in all the years I have lived here I failed to snow-blow my driveway and I suffered because of it. Solid ice. I can't even tell you how many times I fell on my ass just because I had to haul firewood from the woodshed. Even the dogs realized they couldn't just take off running because they were sliding everywhere. Dogs that looked like sleds. Funny at times, but thankfully no injuries because of it. Christmas 2013 is sure going to be different in Washington and Colorado, doncha think? Santa is REALLY going to love those cookies! I bet a lot of brownies will be left out also. I don't know much about Colorado, but being a Washingtonian, I would never have imagined my home state as being so liberal. I guess you learn new things everyday. For example, it has been brought to my attention that the stick figure decals on the back windows of vehicles are NOT pedestrian “kill” scores, but, actually are meant to represent members of your family. I’ll be removing mine A.S.A.P. to avoid any further confusion.
I love how it’s February and no one even cares about the end of the world anymore. Weren't we all supposed to die last December or was that cancelled? I think on December 21, 2012 all the power companies in the world should have shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people freak out! When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the...." Or better yet, I’m going to leave $50 in my will to whoever will wear a Grim Reaper costume to my funeral and stand there completely silent. In all honesty I am pretty sure my last words will be either “I wonder what this does…” or “no way - you put YOUR gun down.”
I am still patiently waiting for one of Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends to write a song called “Maybe You’re the Problem, Bitch”. It will reach number 1 on the charts, guaranteed. When Harry Styles and Taylor Swift broke up did she write a song called, “I Went In The Wrong Direction?” Seriously, I just unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter. I’m expecting a song within a day. Even more seriously I would never follow her on Twitter - I can't stand that vengeful little brat. If any of her songs play on the radio I turn it off. I don't even think she sings well. But - that's my opinion. Give me Miranda Lambert any ole' day. I suppose If everybody was happy in relationships there wouldn’t be any good country music. Taylor takes it too far, humiliating people the way she does. Here's my advice Taylor - Live for what tomorrow has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away. If you carry the bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one you will build the same house. There are no perfect relationships. Relationships are harder now because: Conversation becomes text, arguments become phone calls, and feelings becomes tweets/status updates. If you want a perfect relationship watch a Hallmark movie.
Speaking of movies, I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III solely because we enjoy trilogies. And I gotta ask, what is with all this crazy programming on TV nowadays? You’ll never see me on Hoarders because I can’t afford that much crap. In fact, that’s my only question watching the show… where do they get the money for this crap? I have actually only watched the show once. I couldn't even finish watching it. I was compelled to get up immediately and dust, vacuum, wash windows, and even bathe the 4 dogs. It's times like these that I don't mind being OCD at all. Get hoarders addicted to crack, they’ll sell off all their crap. Boom, problem solved. Now, when it comes to Storage Wars, If I ever have to put stuff in storage I’m going to write “gold bars” and “priceless memorabilia” on the boxes just to mess with storage wars. I do admit I enjoy watching the Bachelor. It's hilarious. Where else can you see all these women who have fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, butts, as well as a fake tan who have the nerve to show up on TV to vie for a real man? Beware of TV. It has the power to turn things like storage, parking and cupcakes into wars.
I wonder what it is that I did to get reincarnated as me. I wonder who or what I was in my past life? Do I even want to know? What if the light we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really us just being pushed out of the womb into our next life?
When I think about the past I kind of feel disappointed. Things that slipped through our ancestor's fingers, so to speak. Specifically my great great great grandparents for not buying a town when they cost $5.00!
I love people who have a sense of humor. And good construction skills.
This farmer was denied a permit to build a horse shelter for his mini-horses. So he built a giant table and chairs which didn't need a permit. Gotta love that man's gumption and his will to win. I especially love the nice touch of the colorful tablecloth and flowers! I still wonder though, exactly why he was denied a permit to build a horse shelter. True or false? Photo shopped?
My thoughts for the day, random as they may be:
Hey Scientists: Less sheep cloning and more making our world look like The Jetsons. Please!
Use your smile to change this world. Don’t let this world change your smile.
I wouldn't mind at all if I could have drinks and bullshit with James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman.
If I ever traveled thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, I want to just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Apple introduced the new iPad Mini. What is that, for those light days?
When I was kid, my social network was called “outside”. And I loved it.
If the caller I.D. reads ‘unavailable’, then so am I. Hey person calling me from a "blocked" number, I’m not answering you either. Ever.
Time travel isn’t as fun as it was in 2149.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance……… My five stages of buying gas in the State of California.
If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the jail to do a bomb scare. I’m not spending the night there. No way.
If you set your “life goals” to stuff you have already done - literally every day you would be overachieving. It’s all about perspective.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
If my life ever seems boring I just remember that I am on a rock floating in outer space. That is hella exciting.
Grandchildren have so much energy because they siphon it out of their grandparents like tiny gasoline thieves.
I’m afraid of a world run by people who were never spanked as a kid and given a trophy just for participating.
My goal is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity.
The best revenge is living a kick ass life.
I mean, really, the sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen. Anyone agree?
Now I am off to rescue some wine, it appears to be trapped in a bottle. Until next time.
