Thanking my Finnish ancestors for giving me the 'Sisu' to manage a smile on my face even though I think the world is going to hell. Mikhail Gorbachev (X-USSR President) has been given credit for helping to bring about a peaceful end to the Cold War, yet he is now warning that the World is on the brink of a new Cold War, Obama doubled the number of US troops in Iraq just 72 hours after getting thumped at the polls, Ebola, swarms of earthquakes on the California border, not much to be happy about nowadays. Yet the "blog" must go on.
Confessions:
For Halloween I went as an invisible person. I was at all your parties.
I bought a self-help DVD online from Amazon, called "How to Handle Disappointment". When the package arrived it was empty. Touche Amazon!
Questions:
Does anyone know what a job application at Hooters is like? Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out”?
During a conversation with one of my friends at the Pizza Parlor the other day I was told that I was full of bull crap. Allow me this analogy. He had a bag of crap and I had a bag of crap. He was a stingy miser with his crap and never shared it. I on the other hand spread mine generously thus depleting my bag of crap. Therefore, he was the one who was full of crap. Right?
What exactly did the person do, while drunk, to get the term "sh*t faced" coined? Do we even want to know?
Brokeback Mountain pretty much ruined camping as a male bonding activity for straight guys, doncha think?
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That's a ghost finishing sex with you, right?
My complaints (aka Bitches)
I clicked my heels 3 times.. and I'm still in California. Whatthef*ck, Dorothy? ( "like", "for sure", "right on", "dude", "totally", "peace out", "chill", "tight", "bro", "hella", "stoked" and "fo sho." are part of my standard California volcabulary now. Sad. )
My back is killing me. I always have back pain but days like today make me really wish they made Flintstone's Chewable Morphine.
I should really get paid for all this free sarcasm I give away.
I am craving some Paasiaisleipa. If anyone wants to be nice to me, they will make me some. I don't have a milking pail or I'd do it myself, even though it isn't even Spring!
(Dear Santa: I need a milking pail but please not a galvanized one!)
I am still sitting on these Cadbury Eggs from last Easter and the Peeps haven't hatched yet. Disturbing.
My Advice:
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes far far away...and everything else in a big pile out in the garage.
Don’t complain about your life when you are the one who is in charge of it.
Stores should do a lot of rearranging - to make young people think. Condoms should be located in the baby aisle right next to the $30 diapers and the $25 baby formula cans.
More Fun:
Put a sign on a ATM machine that says “now voice activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold. People are so damn gullible. I know. I'm blonde.
Buy an electronic cigarette. The look on people's faces when you smoke it and pump gas is priceless.
Go the the supermarket, buy a jar of Vaseline, a cucumber and a Bottle of Whiskey and wink at the cashier. (I dare you)
The Truth's:
It's too bad we can't set our clocks back to before we had ever heard of the Kardashians.
Whenever my mother would talk about 'the good old days', she always stopped at 1952. Which is pretty cool, because that's also the year I was born... wait... what?
I think I am beginning to realize that I was probably dropped as a baby (see above). Hell, maybe even thrown.
Say what you will about Lance Armstrong...but I still think he's amazing! If I was on drugs, I probably couldn't even find my bike.
I hate it when people I don't like say "It just can't be done", and I have to spend the rest of my life desperately trying to prove them wrong. Anyway, I'm off to the store to buy a hammer, some nails, some jello, and a ceiling.
I won’t take a bullet for ANYONE, because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
A good thing about being single is I don't have to worry about anyone flushing while I shower. Or caring that I exist for that matter.
And for the
REAL TRUTH:
My daily "Musings of Hating on Russia":
There’s nothing like a few beheadings to put things in perspective. Vladimir Putin, the godless Commie Bastard, is showing that NATO is a hollow alliance that is more talk than action. NATO's strong words and sanctions are not curbing his continued provocations - whatsoever! Strong arm tactics. The bear has come back from hibernation. Putin is playing a game of cat and mouse so he can get an idea of what he can and cannot get away with, while "WE" let him. ("We", as in Germany, Japan, Sweden, Finland, United States, Norway, Britain, Portugal, Turkey, Denmark, amongst others) Putin is ‘an international predator’. Putin says that the west (meaning the U.S. of course) is weak, and hostile to Russia’s values, including religious values. There it is - that word - religion. In the end the real roots of warfare are the lust for power, land and money. Religion is just a tool for motivating and providing an excuse for a war, any war. Religion is an excuse. Human nature is the cause of all of the conflict in the world and if it were not religion it would be something else. Power, land, and money were and remain the root causes of war and conflict. I am not just hating on Putin, I call it as I see it, so I will also say that Obama is a spinless sonofabitch. It's too bad we no longer have our anti-Communist President Ronald Reagan. This shit wouldn't be happening if Reagan was still alive and in office. Maybe it's time for me to leave this country, cross it's borders and live elsewhere. Denounce my American citizenship. I'm an American but I sure as hell don't expect my President to still be having secret conversations with a former KBG General (Putin). He has a lot of secret conversations. I remember the whispered conversation that Obama and President Medvedev (the outgoing Russian President Dmitri Medvedev) were having when both thought the microphones were off! "After my election I have more flexibility" ( Election 2012 ) What the hell did that mean Obama? That yes, in fact, you are selling out America?
Something to think about - WWI was caused by countries protecting their crumbling empires, WWII caused by a man's greed. Put those two together and you will have WWIII. As I said earlier - Power, Land, and Money were and will always remain the root cause of war and conflict. Let me spell that out. Even simpler.
Check out this news, actual real time news:
A Russian lawmaker has introduced a bill that would allow Russian women to impregnate themselves with President Vladimir Putin's sperm.
Russia might soon have a whole lot of pint-sized Putins. A Russia lawmaker schemed up a bizarre way to breed the next generation of great patriots: inseminate women with Vladimir Putin’s sperm.
Yelena Borisovna Mizoulina ― the Chairwoman of Parliamentary Commission on Women’s Affairs, Children and Family ― introduced a bill into the State Duma explaining the peculiar pregnancy program, Russian newspaper Trust reported. “Every citizen of Russia will receive by mail the genetic material of the President to get pregnant from him and have a baby,” she said according to the translated proposal. She explained that after Putin’s offspring are born, they must attend special schools to ensure they live up to their genes. The presidential progenies will attend Suvorov schools, boarding schools that focus on military training, where they will learn to be “devoted to the homeland and to the president of the Russian Federation,” Mizoulina said. Plus, moms who raise baby Putins will get a special allowance from the state. It’s unclear when Putin’s sperm could start shipping ― or if the Duma will even agree to the breeding bill.
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| Oh GREAT, the thought of more Putin godless commie bastards just made me sick to my stomach |
(Virpi, is that a Finnish Puukka on Putin?)
Yes, I'm a pain in the ass, but damnit, I admit it. And now I say "Goodbye" because it's truly a dying art of knowing when to shut the hell up. But before I go I just want to say one thing. (See, I really don't know when or how to shut the hell up) The 2014 MidTerm elections proved one thing to me. Voters finally realized that Obama couldn't run our country let alone his own Democratic party. The "people" of America have spoken and they have spoken very loudly!!! The Republicans have both houses, congress and senate. No doubt Obama's first question to his advisers..."How is this going to effect my golf game"? If Obama truly has America's best interests at heart, he will show a willingness to work with Republicans. If he publicly picks a fight and vows to use more executive powers, then we know that Obama is more concerned about his own vision of America and voters be damned. I don't expect Obama to change. His ego won't allow it. Both Republicans and Democrats have nothing to offer but name calling and belittling each other over stupid trivial topics that will not solve any of the serious economic issues America faces. Face it. ALL politicians suck. Obama ~ he never acknowledges his own shortcomings, and look what happens. We all suffer. Obama never demonstrates the kind of courage or flexibility that would help him resolve present problems. I, for one, grew very tired of seeing him making excuses for the things that did not happen.
As I end this blog, I present you with this:
Peace out
