Dear Winter, I think we should spend some time apart... I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex, Summer...

Here I am again. Do I live in California or do I live in friggin' Alaska? It's mornings like this that I want to pretend it's summer and say "it’s so hot today that I’m sweating like a cat at a Chinese restaurant", or "it's so beautiful out today that I'm walking on sunshine", or "it's so hot the jalapenos in my garden are all standing over in the shade". Maybe even "My P.J.’s are awesome. I'd like to thank them for taking themselves off in the middle of the night when it's too hot, without even waking me up. Job well done P.J.’s"........but this morning's blog post is brought to you by the letters W T F.

Living in Northeastern California I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe....but after all these years, eleven years of living in the mountains at the 4500 and 3500 foot elevations I think I’m getting the hang of this ~ expect the unexpected. Expect to get more snow in California than I ever did in the State of Washington. Is this when I should be saying "I just wanted to tell you, Dear State of Washington, that I love you and I want to come back, I will not let California take me away from you?" It's times like this that I wish to get a grip on reality..and choke it to death. Stupid mistakes are made by others. I only make unavoidable errors. I'm here in the State of California and I have to deal with it. Like it or not.

So, I want you to imagine that I have a big smile on my face. Also, for the hell of it, try to figure out why. Am I looking reality straight in the eye and denying it......am I attempting to give a damn.....(I think I may be skeptical. But I doubt it). Who knows. But I am here to say "please don't follow in my footsteps because sometimes I walk into walls, or snow banks...."

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. I never follow that rule. Stick with me folks, if you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection. I hate it when people use the term "FOLKS". Are we on Green Acres? See, there you have it - the snow has 'affected' me. Send help!

A sauvignon with a perfume of piña coladas, an overly sweet riesling and a chardonnay so 'oaky' it tastes as if it had been aged in a box of No. 2 pencils. What? It’s too early for some wine-tasting?

This was last night ...the 'beginning'.....

This photo is for my son, my true-blue Finnish sauna worshiper - here's your sauna shower and plenty of snow to roll in.....

Now, this is impressive to say the least. Switching over from Dish Network to DirecTV....and the dish where I cannot even remove the snow from it...I have not lost my satellite signal!

And for you Tammi - I know how you love to look out a window and see freshly fallen snow...

If anything else, my dog's love the snow! This is Finn doing a 'take-down' of poor little Kesä not even 10 feet after leaving the front door. They hit the snow it's immediate 'play' time! You can't even see her in the snow!

Skye-Pilot is of course more intent on just viewing the beauty of it all. I'm sure later on today after I make giant mounds of snow with the snow-blower, she will be making a cave. That's her Siberian Husky nature...she goes back to her 'roots'.

Alan, please send me some of your Florida 'sunshine'. Laura, bring all 6 of your dogs up, we'll hook them up to a sled and have a hella fun time. Missouri, now's the time to come visit. Fort Bear is awaiting. Doug, do NOT let this discourage you from returning back to California. Sean and Tammi, this would have been the holiday week-end to bring Jamie up!
Nature is my solitude ~ Nature is my solitude~Nature is my solitude ~Nature is my solitude ~(just reminding myself )
Nature is my solitude ~ Nature is my solitude ~

What? A blog without my usual crazy odd thoughts? No way dudes......here's the thoughts that popped into my mind this morning ~

Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals." Common sense people, common sense.

I'm wondering what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole?

I'm  wondering if I am the only one who hasn't had sex with Tiger?

I am so happy that McDonald's doesn't sell hot dogs. I just don't think I could order a "McWeiner" with a straight face!

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin' and hook up with them later.

Yes, California is GREAT. It's the only State where Starbucks has been officially changed to 'Tenbucks', where your taxes are double your salary (which reminds me, I have to take my pension to the bank, it's too little to go by itself). 

My neighbor to the east  is exceptionally dedicated. You should see how far he’ll go to annoy me. Right now he is snow-blowing his damn snow over the fence onto my property. Ut-oh, I just  forgot to use my other four fingers when waving at him.  It's not that I'm immature, it's just that HE started it. Should I walk away? Maybe go ride the  ponies outside Wal-Mart? ( . .I need quarters ) No, I see a snow-blower war coming on. Now that I think about it.....some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer the flamethrower, its fun for my entire neighborhood. Is that why he doesn't like me? Talk about holding a grudge.....

You know you're from California when you say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "hella"  and "stoked" and "fo sho."  So, Dudes, it's time for me to say 'peace out', I'm 'stoked' that I am about to enter into a snow-blower war. It's 'like' 'fo-sho' gonna help me 'chill-out'...'right-on' I'm gonna 'totally' blow my neighbor's mind. He's gonna just go back in his house and 'chill' if'n he knows what's good for him.  'Fo sho'. 'Peace out'.
Hey! Please send bail money........................
Thanks!

Thursday Madness

Growing up on Disney movies has left me so disillusioned about the small woodland creatures in my forest and their willingness to help me with any chores around here. I merely asked this little guy if he would help me shovel some snow this morning.  You can see from his reaction what his answer was. By the looks of his fat a** I think he could use a little exercise!

Since it is snowing today I am already planning my summer vacation. Egypt needs a new President. I need a summer vacation. This could be perfect. I'm just hoping that their government works like ours, since I don't have a certificate of birth from Egypt. My first Presidential policy would be to make my Presidential home in one of the pyramids. Maybe the one in Giza, outside of Cairo. Yes, I think this would work out rather nicely. You are all welcomed to come visit me. If you don't mind sleeping in a tomb. I'm not sure how good of a President I would be, after all I did have a fight with my shoelaces this morning and it ended in a tie. But I will give it a shot.

Slamming 'Facebook' now ~  If you are going to be offended, stop reading now. If I was to ever join Facebook again, which I have no intentions of ever doing, I would make my Facebook account with the name of 'Nobody' so when I saw the stupid crap people post, I could 'Like' it. And then it would say 'Nobody likes this.'  Facebook: For when the illusion of having friends is all you really need. I recently read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history’s largest stalker.  All the constant status updates! I guess I just did not care what people were doing every hour on the hour. There should be some kind of update limit. Is it a rule that you must disclose when you go to the gym? And everyone is always going to Vegas. I’m at the gym. I’m in Vegas. I’m at the gym. I’m in Vegas. I’m at the gym in Vegas & I’m having waffles. I'll tell you if its any good in another update 5 mins from now. OMG, how I do not miss the proverbial nonsense of Facebook. Yet, there are so many out there that can't live without it. First thing they check in the morning. They check it at work. They check it throughout the night. You make one comment on one photo/status/wall post and you subsequently get 50 notifications telling you that other people have also commented. It is so obvious that people will tire of how fake most people are, posing that their lives are so great, when we all know full well, each of us can probably count our true 'die-hard' friends on the fingers of ONE hand, the real friends that would be there for us if we got in a jam. If Facebook was no longer available there would be Facebook users literally roaming the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people’s faces and screaming ‘DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU??’ Ok, I feel better now. Sorry Facebook fans, I just need to get it out of my system every once in awhile.

I'm just in one of those moods today I guess. I blame it on the snow.  Now I want to slam Lady Gaga. She was at the VMA's covered with meat. At the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpet events and Lady Gaga will be a Denny's Grand Slam. Should I even mention the flesh-colored latex condom-inspired outfit she wore on some talk show, topped off  with a ridiculous hat that looked like she was one of the Three Musketeers? What the hell is up with this woman? 

Getting back to the snow ~ It's just nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.' Gotta love Mother Nature.  I feel a special kinship with Mother Nature. She reminds me of myself.  She is one hell of an independent woman, does whatever she wants.  The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom or what it touches. It just keeps coming. Where I live you have two choices: shovel or make snow bears. But I won't complain, after all there's a lot of good things about snow, it makes your property look as nice as your neighbor's, the dogs play in it for hours, and it makes everything outside look magical. And here I was talking to a friend the other day saying "We sure have had a mild winter huh"? Once again, I should have kept my thoughts to myself. I love the snow, mind you, but as I look out the window now it is really piling up. That means work for me. Dragging out the snow-blower, shoveling behind my gate so it will open, hauling even more firewood to a more accessible area, in and out of my snow gear. I blame my daughter-in-law Tammi for my snow. All she has to do is think it and I get it. Stop it Tammi. It's getting too deep.

So, I will end this somewhat meaningless blog with a question for all of you. What do you call a Steelers fan holding a bottle of champagne after Super Bowl XLV? A waiter.

Oh but wait......Please Tammi.....it's too much now!

I'm trying my best......

I'm a little over my head with this snow now............

Stop thinking snow, damnit

Even the little raccoon that was here earlier this morning is overwhelmed

                                                      Think about my woodland critters......

                             And if that doesn't do it......at least think about my neighbor's little dog!

Really....seriously, stop.......

 

Nana's Little Gymnasts

What can I say? Couldn't be prouder ! Certainly brings back some wonderful memories for me.

Mom~Son Vacation, forest style and city style

My son arranged some vacation time for the two of us to have a 'Mom/Son mini-vacation'. He spent four days with me, the 'forest' vacation, and I spent four days with him, the 'city' vacation. It's been a very long time since we've been able to spend quality time together, just the two of us. Our time together went too fast but we had some very kick-ass times. Sean arrived here in the forest late on a friday night, and before he even got to my house he called and told me to 'get the sauna ready'. My son is a true Finn when it comes to sauna. When he spends time here ~ he and the sauna are inseparable. This trip we had that poor sauna so hot that it actually shut down due to the safety feature. My son very rarely gets to sleep in due to his job and being the father of two young children so of course my mission was to let him sleep in to his heart's content. Ahhh, that's what Mommie's are for - to totally spoil the child, no matter what age. Right?
Our first day together was to get on the ATV's and hit the trails. Normally we have his children with us when we go quadding, and have to monitor our 'craziness' while on the trails. This time we loaded up the .22 rifles and Sean's 9mm Beretta and got a little shooting in.

After shooting we hit some new and old quadding trails. How I kept up with his 'racing' quad (it's a fast ATV) is still a mystery to me, seeing how I have a utility ATV that weighs about 800 pounds but I did. The trails we ride on are a part of Sierra Pacific logging roads and the logging trucks make deep puddles. Sean and I love puddles. We usually return from a ride with our faces covered with mud. This time was certainly no exception. So I have to admit, this is the first time that my Polaris, nicknamed Pasi ( "Pasi" stems from the Finnish name "panssari-Sisu" (English: armoured Sisu) decided to dump me right smack in a very cold mud puddle. All I really remember is I was going waaaay too fast and Pasi and I were leaning to the right - then I landed in the puddle watching my ATV flying by me. (still very happy Pasi decided to continue on his own way and not lay down on me!) When Sean returned after realizing I was no longer behind him I was still in the puddle. I hit hard and was wet from helmet to boots. My entire right side of my body was hurting, but my philosophy was seeing this as though I had been riding a horse. You get dumped, you get back on. From the looks of this photo one would think "that doesn't look too deep', but I'm here to tell ya, that puddle was deep and cold! These puddles have deep hidden ruts from the logging trucks. It's times like this that I am glad my son demands that I wear a helmet when out on the trails. I don't like wearing helmets and always argue about it, but he always wins.

Not one minute later I am watching my son go through the next puddle and all of a sudden I am seeing him do some very finely executed gymnastics moves as his ATV dumps him! From an x-gymnast I have to say I was very proud to see his excellent moves, his body flipping over and over only to land on his two feet! I was so intent on watching him that I nearly ran into a tree. Unfortunately for his wife he decided to ride her ATV this trip. (sorry Tammi)

About this time we both decided it might be a good idea to return to my house before we actually killed ourselves. I was wet, cold and sore so the thought of a sauna seemed more than inviting, it was a neccessity at this point. But....we did manage to get the 'craziness' out of our systems and we had soooo much fun.
I love it when my son visits. He always manages to fix things around my house. This trip I got a new ceiling fan installed, I got a dimmer switch put in, I got my 1800's two-man Crosscut Log Saw placed in a much better (and impossible for me to do) location, I got my highest smoke alarm battery changed over (it absolutely freaks me out to do that particular one)- gotta just love my son!
On Tuesday we packed up and headed to his house for the remainder of our Mom/Son mini-vacation. I got to attend my grandson Shad's Kindergarten play on Tuesday night which was awesome. Sean had made some secretive plans for us to spend even more time together. On Thursday we got in his car headed for destinations unbeknownst to me. Since we were headed for San Francisco I thought maybe we'd be doing a Cable Car ride or maybe walking the Golden Gate Bridge. I was pretty thrilled when we pulled into the AT&T Park (home of the World Series San Francisco Giants) parking lot! Sean had arranged a tour of the AT&T Park. Now this is something I've always wanted to do - see a real MLB ballpark up close, see the areas that are off limits to the general public ~ like the Field, the Dugouts, the indoor Batting Cages, the Media/Press Room, and the visiting player's locker room.

I certainly learned a lot about this ball park. I had no idea it was designed and privately financed by the Giant's owner himself. No cost to the City of San Francisco itself. I loved the nine foot statue of Willie Mays, the 80 foot Coca-Cola bottle with playground slides and miniature AT&T Park for the kids behind left field, and the 'perfection' of the field itself.

It is a beautiful ball park with an old-time feel to it. What I learned later on after the tour was what I thought should have been mentioned in the tour ~ that Portuguese water dogs fetch the home runs that splash into McCovey Cove (named after Hall of Fame Willie McCovey). Oh Laura, your dogs could very well earn their keep by doing this awesome canine job!
After the tour Sean and I headed to our next secretive location. I have to say my son is very good at time management, as we arrived at the Pier just in time for the next tour of Alcatraz.

I have experienced a tour of Alcatraz before, but back in the early 1980's when I first moved to California. When I did that tour I had my children with me, Sean and Sharon both being very young. Sean was possibly 3 or 4 and Sharon was 8 or 9 and it was pretty difficult trying to keep a constant eye on the kids. The tour has changed considerably since my first trip. There is no longer an actual tour guide, which makes it even better because you can take your time.
For those of you who don't know of Alcatraz, it was once a world-famous federal penitentiary, set on an island that provides a view of San Francisco.

There is a lot of history before and after it was a federal penitentiary. It was also the site of the first American lighthouse on the West Coast and the island served as a huge harbor defense fort during the Civil War. After the fort became obsolete, the U.S. Army turned the island into a military prison. When the penitentiary closed, Alcatraz became the site of a American Indian protest movement who held the island for 18 or 19 months. While a penitentiary, it held some of America's most hardened criminals....Al Capone, Doc Barker (the last surviving son from the famous Ma Barker Gang), "Machine Gun" Kelly, Robert "Birdman of Alcatraz" Stroud, Floyd Hamilton (a gang member and driver for Bonnie and Clyde), and Alvin "Creepy" Karpis. Sean and I both thought "Creepy" was a very fitting nickname for Alvin Karpis. Talk about a face that you couldn't forget.
This photo I am adding for the benefit of my x-Deputy Sheriff partner Marie Torres - and here's where I want to say "Damn woman, where are you? I'm waiting for you to show up for our next shift - new job, new location...."

From Alcatraz we went to our next secretive place. As I said before my son has excellent time management skills as we arrived there at 5pm and our reservation was at 5pm.

Ruth's Chris Steak House on Van Ness Avenue in San Francisco. I do believe this was the best steak dinner I have ever had in my life! The service was excellent and the food was excellent. I've never had a steak brought to me on a 500 degree plate before. My meal was still hot when I realized I was full!
February 10, 2011 was a very fast paced and totally awesome day for me! Thank you Sean!
I planned on returning home on Saturday but waited until I could accompany my granddaughter Kaihla to her first ever gymnastics class. For those of you who know me and my past, gymnastics was an important factor in my life. I lived for gymnastics. I could not have been a prouder Nana as when I was watching my granddaughter's enthusiasm for this new endeavor of hers.

I think she is going to be a natural!

Kaihla's older brother Shad even got in on some of the gymnastics action. If he wasn't already signed up for baseball I think I could talk him into gymnastics also.
My son and daughter-in-law are always telling me that Kaihla has my laugh, you know - the laugh that comes straight from the belly. That hearty Finn laugh. I'm hoping that eventually they will say she also has my love for gymnastics.

It saddens me to know that I cannot attend each and every one of her classes, as it also does to not attend Shad's baseball games - living so far away from my grandkids really sucks.
A week of Mom/Son vacation was awesome. Total awesomeness! I hated to leave and return home but I had committments back home. (My son talked me into switching from Dish to DirecTV, with high def....so had an appointment)
Sooo, on the way home, I thought of you Doug Leppik. I am posting this little photo to let you know I was thinking of you while driving past your old Tehama County stomping grounds! Now that you've been in cold rainy Oregon for so long, tell me, does this not make you miss over-taxed, over-crowded, totally expensive and waaaay too liberal California?

As you can see by the following photos, my one little pup Kesä truly travels in total comfort, while my other dogs are a wee bit cramped in the back seat. In fact Shadow-Man is actually lying on the floorboards. Poor dog.

And when I see this..................

I know that my 4 hour drive is nearly over. She is a comforting sight....for sure.
Thank you Sean for a wonderful memory making Mom/Son mini vacation! I needed it and I will treasure it forever!

Things we humans do to literally annoy our canine buddies.....

I sent this to my friend in Missouri (an equally crazy woman like myself) and thought I should share with others ~

Ok, so we all know that our dogs can do things to annoy us pet parents (just like kids!) such as....beg for food - some think that is cute - but then others don't. Look at your dogs right now. Some dogs annoy us pet parents by barking and barking and...barking some more. Yet others....sniff our crotch. Our butt. Jump on us. Chew shit up.
Just for fun...let's reverse it. What do you think WE do that might annoy our precious little canine buddies?


1. Blaming your farts on poor little me..... not funny... not funny at all Valrie!!! (Whoever is reading this might as well just insert their name....we all know you do it!)

2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, get over it.

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it! Humiliating.

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. If you want to play dress-up, get a damn Barbie.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled me, a dog! Whoooo oooooooo what a proud moment for you ~ the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back! You wouldn't like that now would you?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests...or you, for that matter. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet. You're too set on making me balance some stupid damn thing on my nose!

9.Dog sweaters! Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur? I'm perfect the way I am. Dog sweaters and bows. I should just freak'n run away and join a circus.

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

More Ramblings from the Forest: Decimal: 40.513052, -121.812724. Degrees: 40° 30' 46", -121° 48' 45".

You’re probably wondering why I gathered you all here. So am I. (And....of course I didn't provide my real coordinates)

OMG that title was hella too long. Reminds me of middle earth from LOTR. If you don’t know what LOTR is then GTFO. And if you don’t know what GTFO means then you should Google it. Finally if you don’t know what Google is then you probably live in Antartica. That being said let’s get on with my blog.

First off, my rules to live by:

Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.

Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.

The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth. Universe my ass.

Don’t worry about people from your past, There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future

Now on to some of my observations:

Hey Nikon, just a friendly heads-up here… NOBODY gives one single crap what camera Ashton Kutcher uses.

What’s all this jibberish about people having to find themselves? Don’t they realize all they need is a compass, a map, or a GPS system? Or an iPhone. I wonder if ET feels really stupid now that cell phones exist? iPhone Home. Speaking of iPhone and the many users that are irate that their wireless signal suddenly drops, well .... Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare. Technology - it’s all too fast for me. "I had to walk to school 2 miles in the snow... barefoot" was good in my day. But imagine the sheer terror on your grandkids face when you say "When I was born there was no internet". Actually I feel sorry for today's generation because they will never understand the ‘awesomeness’ of a mixed tape or the thrill of waiting by the radio all day long to record your favorite song. Ut-oh, just ‘aged’ myself didn’t I? Seeing that age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application. But I also think job interviews are kind of like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the entire time wondering if you're going to get screwed.

I told my dog Finn it is weird that he follows me into the bathroom all the time. So he walked out. Now I know for a fact that Shelties are a very intelligent breed of dog, but now I’m just weirded out that he speaks English. Speaking of dogs, I'm sure you all know that I live with four canine 'buddies'. Well, when someone rings my doorbell, why do my dogs always assume it's for them? Now, yesterday I got quite the surprise. Apparently my four dogs had invited over some local neighborhood friends for an impromptu party. They knew the doorbell was for them. Imagine my surprise at 17 dogs lined up at my doggie door. Of course I have no objections to my dogs having fun with other dogs, but my rule was that they all had to make sure they relieved themselves prior to coming into the house. I was really happy to see that they all complied with my wishes. By the way, that is my neighbor's tree. I'm not stupid.

Even this huge fella came!

And they just kept coming.....

Not really sure how many were here all in total, but they played frisbee, tug of war, chased birds and squirrels, played soccer and just played all day long.

This particular sly little Sheltie brought his own beer! Don't worry, I checked it out. Bowser Beer is made from filtered water, pure malt barley (good for their coats), and infused with dog-loving beef broth – without hops or alcohol.

I even found one of them in my frig taking a nap!

And a couple of them all 'tuckered out' from hours of play.......

Now you can't tell me that dogs don't smile when they are having fun!

What a great group of dog friends my dogs have! I really liked this one, he cleaned up after all the others, when it was time to leave.

This little pup called home to let his family know he was leaving the party.

When they finally all went out to the gate to leave, there were two little dogs that were late for this impromptu dog party.

That was sad. Can not dismiss the sad look in the one pups eyes! Maybe next time. The little guy who left last was awesome, he had brought a rather big bone for my four dogs as a gift for inviting him. I'm pretty sure he will be on the top of the list when my dogs decide to do this again.

No, I’m not weird. I’m just a limited edition. What? You don't let your canine friends have parties?
Until next time...........................

Ramblings from the Forest

I’m just typing some words in a box for you to look at....just me living in the realm of thought, in my own world far away....and enjoying it. ( living vicariously through myself!) I’m actually collecting my thoughts... I’m working on eventually getting the whole set!
It's so quiet here that I can actually hear myself think. No good can come of this.
So, this morning I was out of creamer. Had to use milk. 2% milk, and I’m wondering what the other 98% is...should I be concerned? Probably shouldn’t be overly concerned right? Relax. I’ve already ruined my health by drinking to everyone else's.
This morning before getting my coffee I realized that my hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel. OMG...come one, seriously - I don’t have a hamster. At this point you should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I should go to Hell but thankfully Satan has that restraining order and I’d like to keep it that way.
When I was young and my Dad and I would sit outside waiting to spot that alien spaceship I thought by the time I was - you know, his age at the time, that we would all have personal spaceships and android men that had no feelings or emotions. I was right about the android men, but still would rather have a personal spaceship!!! To match the pink rocket shoes I never seemed to have gotten for Christmas - all those years.
I still think that all men should come with a car fax and a UPS return label.
Speaking of age ~ Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits, don’t you agree? Oh, now speaking of apples ~ with all the technology available today, you'd think they'd have found a way to grow apples without those damn little stickers. WTH?

I still miss the days of jumping on the hose at the gas station to make the bell ring. Full service was the best. My part to save the world? I like to think I’m saving the planet by tailgating my big ass Silverado behind a Prius. Tell me what you are doing to save the planet!

I have a big weekend coming up! My Star Trek club is going to dress as Klingon’s and ambush some loser Civil War re-enactors. Should be fun. Come on, one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching. You got to have fun! In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. After all I’m just attending life, and I have no plans afterwards. I have noticed, though, life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line? Now that I've learned to make the most of life, most of it is gone. Still ~ I like to think I am boldly going forward because I cannot find reverse......

(There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Thankfully I have erased this line)

Seriously though, I don’t think I would regret having a safety deposit box stuffed full of fake passports and a million dollars. Where would I go?
Not the Virgin Islands. Given how many times they've been screwed by hurricanes, I really think it's time to change the name of the Virgin Islands. Washington State? Sure would like to enjoy a nice Washington State vacation. The warmth, the sun, the clear blue skies, the fresh air ~ it would be a nice couple of hours.
Not the Ozarks. All the Police cases are unsolved. Everyone's DNA is the same and there are no dental records. Not Vegas. It’s simply not true what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ~ one time my new husband followed me home. Not Asia. The Asian market sucks. Origami Bank folded, Bonsai Bank's cutting back it's branches, Kamikaze Bank nose dived, not to mention the 300 staff at Karate Bank who got chopped. Not Alaska. I finally found out what happened to the Polar Bear from LOST. It's hanging in Sarah Palin's office. Maybe Mexico? If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, wouldn’t it be cheaper than if I flew directly there? Not Texas. I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas. Not sure I want to fly anywhere anyway. The last time I did, and the airplane began to shake, I said “Must be an earthquake.” I got some pretty funny looks. I still don’t understand that. The Flight Attendant moved me to a section she referred to as 'Blonde seating'.
Maybe Hawaii? FACT: A shark will only attack you if you're wet. I’ll just stay out of the water.
Just had a thought cross my mind. Must have been a long lonely journey. Oh damn. Lost it.

Here’s my wise thoughts for the day:

Never steal. Our government hates the competition.

The heart is in the center of our body but beats on the left. That is the reason the heart is not always right.

If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder I miss opportunities. I answer the door, not the window.

Never shave your legs when you have goose bumps. I'm just sayin'.

I think it’s still too soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet.

I am convinced that Michael Jackson's heart did not tell the Defibrillator to just Beat It.

Reincarnation is real. Write yourself a will and leave everything to yourself.

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can actually get you into hot water. This I know from personal experience.

If you have an oven with a 'stop time' button, it's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but don't touch it, just in case.

The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood it's ground.

Ut-Oh....I think my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet connec

Super Bowl

Sooo here it is ~ Super Bowl XLV ~ Steelers vs Packers (I am all for the Packers, since my Seattle Seahawks didn't pull through for me) Feb 6, 2011. I just wanna say this one thing about Super Bowl......
My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
Obviously not the true-blue football fan huh?