Things we humans do to literally annoy our canine buddies.....

I sent this to my friend in Missouri (an equally crazy woman like myself) and thought I should share with others ~

Ok, so we all know that our dogs can do things to annoy us pet parents (just like kids!) such as....beg for food - some think that is cute - but then others don't. Look at your dogs right now. Some dogs annoy us pet parents by barking and barking and...barking some more. Yet others....sniff our crotch. Our butt. Jump on us. Chew shit up.
Just for fun...let's reverse it. What do you think WE do that might annoy our precious little canine buddies?


1. Blaming your farts on poor little me..... not funny... not funny at all Valrie!!! (Whoever is reading this might as well just insert their name....we all know you do it!)

2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, get over it.

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it! Humiliating.

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. If you want to play dress-up, get a damn Barbie.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled me, a dog! Whoooo oooooooo what a proud moment for you ~ the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back! You wouldn't like that now would you?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests...or you, for that matter. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet. You're too set on making me balance some stupid damn thing on my nose!

9.Dog sweaters! Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur? I'm perfect the way I am. Dog sweaters and bows. I should just freak'n run away and join a circus.

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

More Ramblings from the Forest: Decimal: 40.513052, -121.812724. Degrees: 40° 30' 46", -121° 48' 45".

You’re probably wondering why I gathered you all here. So am I. (And....of course I didn't provide my real coordinates)

OMG that title was hella too long. Reminds me of middle earth from LOTR. If you don’t know what LOTR is then GTFO. And if you don’t know what GTFO means then you should Google it. Finally if you don’t know what Google is then you probably live in Antartica. That being said let’s get on with my blog.

First off, my rules to live by:

Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.

Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.

The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth. Universe my ass.

Don’t worry about people from your past, There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future

Now on to some of my observations:

Hey Nikon, just a friendly heads-up here… NOBODY gives one single crap what camera Ashton Kutcher uses.

What’s all this jibberish about people having to find themselves? Don’t they realize all they need is a compass, a map, or a GPS system? Or an iPhone. I wonder if ET feels really stupid now that cell phones exist? iPhone Home. Speaking of iPhone and the many users that are irate that their wireless signal suddenly drops, well .... Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare. Technology - it’s all too fast for me. "I had to walk to school 2 miles in the snow... barefoot" was good in my day. But imagine the sheer terror on your grandkids face when you say "When I was born there was no internet". Actually I feel sorry for today's generation because they will never understand the ‘awesomeness’ of a mixed tape or the thrill of waiting by the radio all day long to record your favorite song. Ut-oh, just ‘aged’ myself didn’t I? Seeing that age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application. But I also think job interviews are kind of like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the entire time wondering if you're going to get screwed.

I told my dog Finn it is weird that he follows me into the bathroom all the time. So he walked out. Now I know for a fact that Shelties are a very intelligent breed of dog, but now I’m just weirded out that he speaks English. Speaking of dogs, I'm sure you all know that I live with four canine 'buddies'. Well, when someone rings my doorbell, why do my dogs always assume it's for them? Now, yesterday I got quite the surprise. Apparently my four dogs had invited over some local neighborhood friends for an impromptu party. They knew the doorbell was for them. Imagine my surprise at 17 dogs lined up at my doggie door. Of course I have no objections to my dogs having fun with other dogs, but my rule was that they all had to make sure they relieved themselves prior to coming into the house. I was really happy to see that they all complied with my wishes. By the way, that is my neighbor's tree. I'm not stupid.

Even this huge fella came!

And they just kept coming.....

Not really sure how many were here all in total, but they played frisbee, tug of war, chased birds and squirrels, played soccer and just played all day long.

This particular sly little Sheltie brought his own beer! Don't worry, I checked it out. Bowser Beer is made from filtered water, pure malt barley (good for their coats), and infused with dog-loving beef broth – without hops or alcohol.

I even found one of them in my frig taking a nap!

And a couple of them all 'tuckered out' from hours of play.......

Now you can't tell me that dogs don't smile when they are having fun!

What a great group of dog friends my dogs have! I really liked this one, he cleaned up after all the others, when it was time to leave.

This little pup called home to let his family know he was leaving the party.

When they finally all went out to the gate to leave, there were two little dogs that were late for this impromptu dog party.

That was sad. Can not dismiss the sad look in the one pups eyes! Maybe next time. The little guy who left last was awesome, he had brought a rather big bone for my four dogs as a gift for inviting him. I'm pretty sure he will be on the top of the list when my dogs decide to do this again.

No, I’m not weird. I’m just a limited edition. What? You don't let your canine friends have parties?
Until next time...........................

Ramblings from the Forest

I’m just typing some words in a box for you to look at....just me living in the realm of thought, in my own world far away....and enjoying it. ( living vicariously through myself!) I’m actually collecting my thoughts... I’m working on eventually getting the whole set!
It's so quiet here that I can actually hear myself think. No good can come of this.
So, this morning I was out of creamer. Had to use milk. 2% milk, and I’m wondering what the other 98% is...should I be concerned? Probably shouldn’t be overly concerned right? Relax. I’ve already ruined my health by drinking to everyone else's.
This morning before getting my coffee I realized that my hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel. OMG...come one, seriously - I don’t have a hamster. At this point you should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I should go to Hell but thankfully Satan has that restraining order and I’d like to keep it that way.
When I was young and my Dad and I would sit outside waiting to spot that alien spaceship I thought by the time I was - you know, his age at the time, that we would all have personal spaceships and android men that had no feelings or emotions. I was right about the android men, but still would rather have a personal spaceship!!! To match the pink rocket shoes I never seemed to have gotten for Christmas - all those years.
I still think that all men should come with a car fax and a UPS return label.
Speaking of age ~ Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits, don’t you agree? Oh, now speaking of apples ~ with all the technology available today, you'd think they'd have found a way to grow apples without those damn little stickers. WTH?

I still miss the days of jumping on the hose at the gas station to make the bell ring. Full service was the best. My part to save the world? I like to think I’m saving the planet by tailgating my big ass Silverado behind a Prius. Tell me what you are doing to save the planet!

I have a big weekend coming up! My Star Trek club is going to dress as Klingon’s and ambush some loser Civil War re-enactors. Should be fun. Come on, one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching. You got to have fun! In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. After all I’m just attending life, and I have no plans afterwards. I have noticed, though, life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line? Now that I've learned to make the most of life, most of it is gone. Still ~ I like to think I am boldly going forward because I cannot find reverse......

(There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Thankfully I have erased this line)

Seriously though, I don’t think I would regret having a safety deposit box stuffed full of fake passports and a million dollars. Where would I go?
Not the Virgin Islands. Given how many times they've been screwed by hurricanes, I really think it's time to change the name of the Virgin Islands. Washington State? Sure would like to enjoy a nice Washington State vacation. The warmth, the sun, the clear blue skies, the fresh air ~ it would be a nice couple of hours.
Not the Ozarks. All the Police cases are unsolved. Everyone's DNA is the same and there are no dental records. Not Vegas. It’s simply not true what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas ~ one time my new husband followed me home. Not Asia. The Asian market sucks. Origami Bank folded, Bonsai Bank's cutting back it's branches, Kamikaze Bank nose dived, not to mention the 300 staff at Karate Bank who got chopped. Not Alaska. I finally found out what happened to the Polar Bear from LOST. It's hanging in Sarah Palin's office. Maybe Mexico? If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, wouldn’t it be cheaper than if I flew directly there? Not Texas. I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas. Not sure I want to fly anywhere anyway. The last time I did, and the airplane began to shake, I said “Must be an earthquake.” I got some pretty funny looks. I still don’t understand that. The Flight Attendant moved me to a section she referred to as 'Blonde seating'.
Maybe Hawaii? FACT: A shark will only attack you if you're wet. I’ll just stay out of the water.
Just had a thought cross my mind. Must have been a long lonely journey. Oh damn. Lost it.

Here’s my wise thoughts for the day:

Never steal. Our government hates the competition.

The heart is in the center of our body but beats on the left. That is the reason the heart is not always right.

If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder I miss opportunities. I answer the door, not the window.

Never shave your legs when you have goose bumps. I'm just sayin'.

I think it’s still too soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet.

I am convinced that Michael Jackson's heart did not tell the Defibrillator to just Beat It.

Reincarnation is real. Write yourself a will and leave everything to yourself.

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can actually get you into hot water. This I know from personal experience.

If you have an oven with a 'stop time' button, it's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but don't touch it, just in case.

The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood it's ground.

Ut-Oh....I think my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet connec

Super Bowl

Sooo here it is ~ Super Bowl XLV ~ Steelers vs Packers (I am all for the Packers, since my Seattle Seahawks didn't pull through for me) Feb 6, 2011. I just wanna say this one thing about Super Bowl......
My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
Obviously not the true-blue football fan huh?

Stressful times, followed by hella fun times......

The last part of December and the first part of January was pure hell on this forest woman......my 11 month old male Sheltie, Finn, went into sequential seizures, one right after another. He ended up having 13 before I could get him to an emergency vet off the mountain. Having had an epileptic dog before I knew exactly what was happening but I'd never witnessed seizures this severe. It was frightening to say the least. I thought I was going to lose him. I feared losing him. Luckily my Shingletown vet referred me to a wonderful vet who saved Finn's life. Finn was in an emergency hospital under 24 hour care for 6 days until he could come back home. We feared he may have sustained some brain damage due to the severity of the seizures, but fortunately he did not. He's back to normal now, but will be on a lifetime regiment of meds every 12 hours. I can't thank this Vet enough and I know it will be a hard long road ahead of us, for Finn and I, but we'll make it. He's for sure a 'Mama's boy' because he won't leave my side, and that's all good with me! We're buddies.

My son and family came to visit over the Martin Luther King week-end. They brought Tammi's sister Jamie with them which was great. She loves it up here and was looking forward to some snow play. Unfortunately there was no snow at my place so we took a short trip to Eskimo Hill up near Lassen Volcanic Park.

Eskimo Hill is a majestic (how else would you describe it?) snow covered hill that everyone, and I mean everyone ~ needs to experience at least once in their life.

Here's Kaihla doing all the work of hauling the sled to the hill, which she insisted on doing.....

At the bottom of the sledding hill there is a clearing that looks something like a small village. People are hunkered around deep built-in fire pits bbq’n, they even bring their own chairs, obviously prepared for a day of sledding. Adults, children, dogs, and I mean lots of them.

Here's Tammi and Shadwic ready to take their first run.....

And then Jamie and myself, with Shadwic ready to push us off.....

And then Sean and Kaihla with Shad ready to do the push off.....

And then Sean and Shadwic with Kaihla and myself ready to send them off.......
This was all in preparation of the 'big hill', because Jamie, Shadwic and Kaihla had never sledded down any hills. Once we were done with the practice hill we tackled the big hill.
Walking uphill on the left side dragging tubes, sleds, boogie boards, or whatever takes a good 10 minutes (depending on the snow depth) to get to the top of the hill. At the top, you look down on about 100 yards of beautiful, snow packed downhill sledding. Rather intimidating actually, but....... it’s unbelievably a kick in the proverbial butt. If you get tired of sledding, you can wander off and build an ice igloo. Back in 2006 when I took my friend Laura, her son Danny, and her granddaughter Elizabeth we found an ice igloo that was already made.

Or you can build a snow-man, partake in some good old fashioned snow ball fights, or just sit in the snow and be amazed at the beauty of it all. You're literally in the middle of nowhere, with tons of snow. The little ones, Shadwic and Kaihla had so much fun! The big ones, Sean, Tammi, Jamie and myself, well....what can ya say? We had hella fun!

This is Shad preparing for his first run down the 'little' hill. Not sure why Kaihla has her gloves over her eyes.

Nana and Shad taking a 'breather'.

Kaihla ~ obviously having sooooo much fun!

Kaihla's turn!

Time to go home, and of course Kaihla once again insisted on dragging the sled back to the truck...gotta just love this girl!


The following day we (of course) went on a quad ride through the forest. We found a nice little secluded spot to let Shadwic shoot his new Daisy 'Grizzly' BB rifle. We set up balloons on a fallen tree and he 'plinked' away under the guidance of his Daddy.

If you look closely at the last photo you will see the red balloon in the air after Shad had hit it!
Yay! My grandson is on his way to becoming a 'marksman'!
(My apologies for the quality of the last three photos as I had to create 'snapshots' from a video that was too long to post)

My 'Absolute Nothing' Blog

Soooo, this is my official I have nothing worth writing about blog. It will be posted whenever I have nothing worth writing about. Don't be surprised to see it quite often. I was determined to write a new blog each month because, well.....I'm just that kind of gal. But I'm older and wiser now since I made that promise to myself several months ago. I 'know' when I have nothing to say. And that knowledge is freedom. Freedom from my obsessive and relentless need to end each blog on a joke.
Barack Obama.

P.S. I guess I do have something to write about. I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
P.S.S. (I might be on a roll now......) Dead birds falling out the sky, Oregon Ducks lose, Ravens lose, Falcons are out.. 2011 has been a bad year for birds.

Ok, really, this is my 'nothing to write about' blog. And even though I thought I had previously ended this blog with a joke, I see it only fitting to make sure I end this entire blog on a joke.
Barack Obama.

VICKIEBOOK 2011

I’d like to say some wise and meaningful crap, but the fact I just referred to it as “crap” shows just how meaningful I can be. (You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else)

But here goes:


I’m thinking the easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse. Ain’t nothing wrong with that!
(I know right now Doug that you are thinking of Ken right now huh?)

I’m thinking I might want to buy a junkyard just to grow my own junk food.

All I want in this world is some one I can turn to and yell, “Avenge Me!!” if I’m dying or wrongly accused of a crime. Or any injustice for that matter. Oh and rocket shoes. Pretty pink rocket shoes.

Looking at photos and seeing how much I’ve aged....well....it has inspired me to make a resolution for 2011: NO MORE PHOTOS. Actually I’ve set more realistic New Year’s resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing anybody. All of my resolutions for 2011 is that I will attempt to –and hopefully succeed– (but who is to really say what “success” is?) in being –in no uncertain terms– more succinct. How am I doing so far?

I’m sorry, DISH TV, I couldn’t care less if I can pause my DVR in one room and resume it in another. Want to impress me? Free movie channels forever. Or send me a miniature giraffe. Either one will do fine, but I would actually prefer the miniature giraffe. At least it can reach the DISH when it piles up with snow and I lose all reception!

Do I have a dream? Of course I do.....I dream of a better tomorrow… where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives!

For those of you who have young children, if you have plans to teach your children the value of dollar, you better hurry up.

Fun in the Forest

My friend of some 27 years or so, Laura, came to visit me for a few days. She is always off and about participating in Hunt Tests with her 6 Labrador Retrievers. Fortunately for me some of the locations are in or near my County so she always makes sure she has the extra days to come 'play' in the forest. We always have some 'kick A**' fun. We only had 2 days (actually one and a half days) but we managed to pack a lot in.  Usually anytime she comes we always work her dogs and take a quad ride of course, but this time we packed two of my .22 rifles onto the quads to do a little 'plinking'. Laura comes from the same 'background' as me, but this was her first time shooting a .22 rifle. You wouldn't have known it, that's for sure. I have a great spot that is level yet has hillsides that are behind the targets. It is a really remote area, but safety is still a must. We hung balloons from a fallen log, from trees, and placed a nice little target up.

This is where we were positioned to shoot.  You don't see the balloons? Yeah, well........once Laura started shooting, well....ummm...let's just say that she left me one, I repeat, ONE balloon. Watching her was like watching someone shooting the little ducks at a County Fair booth. Here's a closeup photo of the balloons before she went 'wild'.

Thankfully I carry a handy supply of balloons. We wiped out all of the balloons and then attacked the individual targets placed on the large target.

Then we attacked a paint can we found lying in the dirt. Attacked a blue plastic container we found lying in the dirt. Laura even attacked the pine cones hanging from a large tree. Every time we  thought we were done Laura would say "Oh, let's just re-load one more time".  When you've got a 'brick' of .22 ammo, you can stay as long as you want.

Obviously we stayed there for quite awhile. Wasn't all that warm out, in fact we were literally freezing, but we were having fun. 

When we did finally leave we went back to my house and gathered her two lab dogs 'Shooter' and 'Dakota' and took them to Lake McCumber to work them before their trials this week-end.

As you can tell from the video I should be better at throwing 'marks' for Laura and her dogs, and I have to admit I am getting better, but some of my earlier days I would throw the bumper and it would go behind me or even straight up over my head.  But I won't complain, at least this time I wasn't throwing a dead duck. No complaints. No complaints at all.

After working the dogs we came back home, ate a 7-bone roast that had been cooking all day and watched a movie. A lousy movie I might add. You know - one of those movies that you just keep saying "It should get better any time now", to which it never did. Thankfully we got to pause the movie when my son 'skyped' us. His antics kept Laura and I amused, to say the least.

I think Laura needs to come back - I'm pretty sure she forgot the basics of our old Police Academy days. You ALWAYS clean your guns. But.......yeah.....I'm gonna let her slide this time, seeing how she made some pretty 'killer' fudge while she was here.

Traditions are Awesome!

I think Christmas time is the absolutely 'best ever' time to pass down some 'traditions'.  My late husband had given me a Red Ryder BB rifle soon after we were married. Not exactly sure why he had given me one, after all he did already give me a Colt .45, a Beretta .380, a 30.6....., REAL guns, but I'm glad he did. I suppose he saw the 'eternal little kid' in me. Aha, he knew me so well.

I taught my grandson Jeffrey how to shoot that BB rifle and eventually 'passed it down' to him for his birthday. He was stoked, to say the least. I still have a Daisy rifle, as I had mentioned in my earlier Thanksgiving post. My friend Laura gave me the pink 1938 edition.

My son Sean taught his son Shadwic how to shoot this Daisy over the Thanksgiving holiday. He did exceptionally well. Today, in speaking to my son about what the grandkids might like for Christmas, a BB Gun was mentioned. Nana was stoked! YES, another tradition is to be passed down. Shadwic is really into the color green, so Nana of course thought the Camo edition would be an excellent choice. Not only would it have his favorite color green on it, but it would match Nana's Mossy Oak quad...can you get any more perfect than that? Didn't take me long to get on the Internet to search for the appropriate Camo  BB rifle. Daisy of course, have to keep this tradition on the correct course.  No lever action BB rifles available in the camouflage field. But.....a much better choice....a pneumatic action rifle. A 'Mossy Oak Break-Up' camouflage complete with a 4x15mm scope!  

It's called the 840 Grizzly.  Just a one pump stroke is all it takes to power this awesome little rifle. Better yet, it shoots either steel BBs (350 of em!) or .177 pellets (single shot).  When shooting with the BB's it's a repeater rifle. Because it also shoots pellets, this is a Daisy rifle that will grow with him. Maybe something he can pass down to his children. Shad knows I am totally obsessed with Bears, so the name 'Grizzly' in addition to the Grizzly head insignia is just an added bonus to this rifle.

Camouflaged in Mossy Oak, a repeater, a scope.....oh my.....I can hear it now ~ Nana saying "Can I shoot it Shad, can I shoot it, please can Nana have her turn now?" Plenty of  memories and  fun times ahead. I know what Shad will be asking his Daddy to pack for their next trip to go visit Nana in the Mountains. Traditions. Ya just gotta LOVE traditions. One of these days the two grandchildren, Jeffrey and Shadwic, armed with the Daisy rifles I gave to them (along with Nana and her pink Daisy, of course)  will sit in 'Fort Bear' and start 'plinking' away! Having grandkids is awesome, we always have someone to 'hang' with and have fun with! When the 'girl' grandchildren are older, and their arms are a little longer ~  my little Pink Daisy will go into action again.  This Nana won't stop with the boys - after all, it is 'tradition'.

Gosh, I really hope they pack this rifle really good prior to shipping, you know ~ all sealed up. Not sure I can be trusted with this awesome little thing sitting in front of me! Ok, OK...I'll just ADMIRE it from the box, I promise.  It's so AWESOME!

For all you dog lovers out there

I am not what you would call a 'reader' by any means. I never seem to have the time to sit down and relax enough to enjoy a good book. Don't know why, after all I am retired, just a retired person that always has a list that has to be followed and accomplished. True, I always have to have a 'project' going ~ that's me, and that's my nature. But, when I saw this book I think it called out to me and I am so glad it did. "A dog's purpose", by James Cameron. It's been a very long time since I picked up a book and then had trouble putting it down. After having recently lost two of my canine family members, Sebbee and Kelsey-Mama, this book has made me see their 'passing' in a totally different light. I have had dogs since birth and can't remember even one day in my life when I never had that wonderful 'bonding' between dog and human. They have always been there....I have always had a dog beside me. I've had 12 dog's who have come into my life and when they passed on they left something for me - each and every one of them. I currently have 4 dogs now. I will never be without a canine companion. I highly recommend that if you love dogs and have ever lost one of your best friends, you need to read this book ~ seriously! I'm not one who even recommends books. That should say something in itself. I cried, I laughed, I was comforted. It was the most totally engrossing and most heart-felt book I had ever read. But then - I am a dog lover and have been since day one. After reading this book I know that Shep, Shep II, Buckie, Breezy, Bree, Chinook, Buckie Bear, Lassen, Cedar, Kodi, Sebbee and Kelsey-Mama had a purpose - to be born - to make my life much better.
A review of the book:

A tail-wagging three hanky boo-hooer, this fiction debut by James Cameron proposes that a dog's purpose might entail being reborn several times. Told in a touching, doggy first-person, this unabashedly sentimental tale introduces Toby, (a feral mutt) who's rescued by a woman without a license for her rescue operation, so, sadly, Toby ends up euthanized. He's reborn in a puppy mill and after almost dying while left in a hot car, he's saved again by a woman, and he becomes Bailey, (a  golden retriever) who finds happiness and many adventures. His next intense incarnation is as Ellie  (a female German shepherd) who becomes a heroic search and rescue dog. But the true purpose of this dog's life doesn't become totally clear until his reincarnation as Buddy (a black Lab). A book for all age groups who admire canine courage, Cameron also successfully captures the essence of a dog's amazing capacity to love and protect. And happily, unlike Marley, this dog stays around for the long haul.

 

So there you have it - dang it - go out and 'fetch' this book, you'll be happy you did!